Luca was a child one day. Or maybe it still is, looking for joy and confidence.
But how can you trust others when you have to defend yourself from your mother?
He bullying it is toxic. It’s a form of violence which goes beyond mere malice, is ignorance, social and psychological anguish. That being said, it cannot be justified because it denigrates and often makes those who suffer from it feel wrong. No one can claim the right to humiliate, offend and intimidate another person in the name of a joke, a game or a deficit of their own.
School bullying is never fair.
We often read stories of children being mortified and injured by their (fake) classmates or friends.
And what if school bullying has also taken place within oneself family?
The scenario would be even more dramatic because the family would have to be a fixed point for each of us, a refuge. A mother or father, a sister or a brother should be seaports to sail and dock.
Well, that’s often not the case. Traps are born in the cradle.
Luca B., family, friends and an incomprehensible feeling of loneliness
From the outside, Luca’s family is like many others, and we will deliberately remain anonymous.
Luca wanted to tell us about his experience and we listened to him, for everyone.
Seva the wind is a little for himbut also because its history is of example. The message is: Don’t walk away if a neighbor is in trouble, if you are suffering. Help or get help. Often people don’t speak out of embarrassment or because they think they don’t understand each other enough. Loneliness is not good company if it hurts and if it is not an option.
Luca’s mother has problems with herself: He is unhappy in a family that forces him to look at a reality that he does not accept. She has a husband with physical problems and, last but not least, Luca is also problematic: she has a physical defect, a degenerative disease that unfortunately she does not know how to cure, but above all she has grown up inside. The causes of your weakness? Certainly the family did not help him, in fact, the real weakness grew inside that house. His mother always humiliated him, hurt him inside and “castrated” him.
It is difficult to establish who the victim is and who the executioner is. But it is Luke who is exposed to his suffering.
For Luca, his first executioners are in his family. A mother who shouts too much, a difficult relationship where there is no communication, but a lot of suffering, contempt and not love. Luca seriously believes that his mother hates him.
Luca is now 40 years old. He is no longer a child, but he is not old enough to expect a pension. He may have a family of his own to get out of that prison, but even the girls he has had so far have not loved him. In the end they preferred it with one with the car, he says. Yes, because you can’t get your driver’s license out of vision.
He is a young man who is now pure because of the pandemic unemployed. He lives in a family where discomfort is on the threshold every day. The uneasiness knocks and the door opens, witnessing whispers, insults, delusions, in a family that could be like many others. Outside. Inside: hell.
This family situation led Luca to be mistreated by other people as well. Unable to defend himself, he suffered all sorts of harassment from friends and former comrades who did everything for him. Yes, absolutely everything!
But Luca knows. He has known bullying since he was a child, since he was born: a fragile physique that allowed his peers to make heavy gestures and say offensive words. So he saw his briefcase fly, he was beaten. It was so fragile that everyone could take advantage of it. All this prevented him from having a diploma, consequently a good job. The school finished it with difficulty.
If school was a tragedy, the The world of work turned out to be a game of slaughter.
Here, too, his comrades took advantage. And, as we had anticipated above, the episodes of bullying were fierce – from urine to farts in the face.
Friends have not been good company. Luckily he managed to stay out of trouble, but the danger was too present in his life: drugs, alcohol, and some minor problems with the law; not him, but friends yes.
A totally absent mother who abandoned her to herself and who, at the right time, intimidated, denigrated and taking away his self-esteem.
Luca’s father is not well. This situation has undoubtedly influenced the psyche of the mother who has been seen taking care of two “disabled”. Weakness in a mother finds no excuses especially if this creates problems for those who are still helpless and growing up: a child.
Luca has lost his job. His anxiety is that he has to live in that house 24 hours a day. The work, with all its problems, took him out of those four walls. The toxic and destructive relationship with his mother has haunted him since he was a child. He would like to get away from her, but he can’t. Every day is a trickle of phrases, insults that undermine Luca’s self-esteem.
Luca’s mother’s emotional instability destroys him: he quickly goes from victim to virulent viper with conceivable consequences. It’s like you want your child dead or maybe you subconsciously want it. He spends the day calling his son, Luca.
His girls leave him, they get married. He is left alone. But his is an unheard of loneliness. He tried to make friends virtually, but even there he could not make himself understood. Everything is too superficial, no one listens. An absent father and busy with his problems.
Luca went to therapy with a psychologist, but the problems persisted: no knot has been untied.
His reality is still that of a family where he is afraid to stay, but where he cannot escape. A mother who does not love him. A child who does not feel love and a sense of security.
Being a mother means responsibility, a child’s life cannot be destroyed by superficiality.
Fortunately, Luca never took drugs or drank. It has only one weakness: the chocolate.
And maybe that’s how he imagined his life: like chocolate. After all, happiness is condensed into a simple bar to enjoy in peace. That serenity that Luca lacks and that he looks for in a square of very sweet chocolate.
By the same author: InCel: Involuntary celibacy ”that women hate
Bullying and cyberbullying on the MIUR website