There is a virtue that can change your life for the better and it is said spontaneity. However, it is not always easy to get rid of it, because when we interact with others, we put strategies into practice, put on masks, and assume attitudes that may be far from what we really feel. “Giving up spontaneity and individuality means suffocating life,” wrote Erich Fromm, giving us one of the most beautiful. phrases about spontaneity. When we behave naturally and sincerely, without pretending or implementing tactics, we are able to truly be ourselves and be appreciated by who we really are. Thanks to authenticity and spontaneity we also manage to strip ourselves of our insecurities: Being authentic in the way we do and be is a sign that we are comfortable with ourselves and have good self-esteem. In a broader view, the spontaneity is synonymous also of freedom: it is no coincidence that l‘etymology of spontaneity comes from latin, his spontaneity, and means of his own free will. This does not mean behaving outside the rules, but acting on one’s own initiative, as is natural, proving to be a transparent person and not caring about appearances. And in relationships this can be an advantage because those who are spontaneous * often do not have a dual purpose and do not need to disguise or show themselves as what they are not. So he uses honesty and frankness, without harming anyone, and this also predisposes others to do the same, thus creating valuable relationships.
What is spontaneity in psychology
When we set aside stereotyped patterns and react to situations naturally according to them, we are using the capacity for spontaneity. Not by chance in fact ritual and spontaneity in psychoanalysis they are antithetical concepts: the first is linked to rules, to normal and formal behaviors, while the second is combined with instinct, expressiveness and out of the box. Both are necessary, but spontaneity has the gift of showing our flexibility, our less conventional side, which although it may surprise us in certain situations, such as professional relationships, somehow personalizes them and makes us look unique and indistinguishable. Also because if we give space to spontaneity even in the workplace, we often awaken creativity and new ideas. However, everything must be harmonized and balanced, so as not to fall into rudeness, shamelessness or childish attitudes.
3 ways to train your spontaneity
- Trust your intuition. What stops spontaneity is rationality, prudence and unwillingness to jump into it. In fact, before you do something scary, make a difficult decision, or try something new, think twice, ask yourself what others will think, and ask yourself a thousand questions, triggering anxiety. What saves us from all this mental talk are the pre-established routines and familiar behaviors that we trigger as an autopilot. To get out of it you have to act “from the inside out” and follow your instincts. How? Listen to what you feel, your needs and desires.
- Set your agenda aside. We all have an agenda full of commitments and often getting out of plans and breaking them creates feelings of guilt and discomfort. Spontaneity helps you take control of autopilot and understand what is right for you right now, without taking advantage of constant planning. In fact, it is the key to breaking the rules and enjoying the present. So if you want an afternoon just for you, give it to yourself, without judging and with joy.
- Don’t be afraid to be honest *. Sometimes in both friendship and love we tend to censor ourselves, not to expose ourselves, not to get into complicated speeches. This is how tacit people are created, who over time can become resentful. Even if it is uncomfortable, the truth is always good and above all it clears the relationship of any misunderstanding. Spontaneity can be used to be honest with those we love, using tact and kindness. In this way we stay true to ourselves, get out of the comfort zone and create bonds in which we feel more comfortable.
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