Space … relationship: when man rejects sex

11.06.2022 – 09.00 – How important is sex in the relationship? What happens when it’s missing? And when is the man who does not feel the desire? Loss of interest in sex is quite common, affecting about 15-16% of men and at least twice as many women. The effects are not the same for those with diminished desire as for their partner. Men who lose interest have more important consequences than women, their masculinity is closely linked to their sexuality and this causes greater dissatisfaction in other aspects of life as well. Only 23% of men with libido loss say they still feel very happy with life in general, compared to 46% of women, according to a study by Professor Laumann. Given the much higher percentages in women, there are different dynamics depending on who refrains from sensual activity, which change the balance of the couple. The common image sees how the man asks to make love and the woman who is often denied and rarely allowed, the man is used to being denied and the woman to desire and decide whether to consent to the relationship. Less common is the fact that the man does not ask, why he has lost interest or for the reasons that we will list later, this variation of the script described above, has important repercussions on the couple who do not feel wanted. This makes women not feel beautiful, appropriate, unattractive to their man, and to introduce a series of questions that fill their minds. Will I still be beautiful? Am I gaining weight? Are you interested in someone else? Can I still get your attention? Self-esteem is severely affected and we try to understand the reasons why man, for whom sex is fundamental, does not deserve a look. Scarce clothes and refined lingerie rarely have the effect of changing a man’s sexual propensity and this also leads to further loss of self-esteem. But the loss of libido, which is defined as a lack of interest in sex for several months during the past year, is not something to live with. Much can be done for regain sexual desire and a satisfying relationship. Frequency of sexual activity is not the best indicator of sexual interest: many circumstances can make dating difficult, even if the desire is present.

Signs of disinterest in sexual activity occur when there are some of the following behaviors:

  • Physical contact only occurs in the bedroom.
  • Sex does not give feelings of connection and sharing.
  • One of them starts on each occasion and the other feels pressured.
  • You are no longer impatient to have sex.
  • Sex is mechanical and routine.
  • You almost never have sexual thoughts or fantasies about your partner.
  • Sensual encounters are very rare, once a month

What Causes Libido Loss in Men?

The causes of this complex problem range from physical and medical to psychological and social. Let’s see a list of the different aspects that can trigger it.

Performance Anxiety – The difficulties reported by men in the bedroom are performance anxiety and a short duration of sexual intercourse, leading to premature ejaculation, which affects one in three men, while one in five is concerned about their performance. . Many men, loving and conscientious, do not find a relationship in which the couple does not reach orgasm satisfactory. Unfortunately, only 26% of women report that they always experience orgasm during sex, compared to 75% of men. This causes significant psychological pressure on the man which can cause loss of libido.

Stress – Work stress and self-esteem are also important factors. When a man’s performance at work is severely tested, and he does not feel up to it or experiences low self-esteem, he becomes sexually trapped, if he does not feel powerful and capable, he closes in on himself. the hug.

Medical conditions – A variety of medical problems and chronic physical conditions can reduce a man’s sexual desire. Serious illnesses, such as cancer and depression, can certainly dampen thoughts about sex. Cardiovascular disease, hypertension, and diabetes can reduce the blood supply to the body, including the genitals, compromising libido. Chronic alcoholism and even excessive alcohol consumption are known to occasionally trigger cravings, but impede performance. Conditions such as thyroid disorders and tumors of the pituitary gland (which controls most hormone production, including sex hormones) can also reduce libido.

Medications – Medications for depression, called SSRIs, can inhibit cravings. As well as tranquilizers and blood pressure medications. Illicit drugs, such as heroin, cocaine, and marijuana, can also cause loss of libido when used chronically and intensely. In cases of problems associated with taking these categories of medications, you can ask your doctor if there are any alternative medications for depression and other conditions that may have a lesser impact on sexual desire.

Relationship quality – Problems with sex may not always indicate other problems in the relationship that need to be addressed. Anger and disappointment often pour into the bedroom, paradoxically even excessive and symbiotic fusionality, without the couple’s spaces of independence being able to quench their sexual appetite. Excessive proximity can stifle desire. Separation times are required for connection. When intimacy sinks into fusion, it is not lack of closeness, but too much closeness that prevents desire.

We’ll see next week 8 tips on how to reactivate libido and improve this fundamental aspect of the relationship.

If these words have helped you, and you think they might be useful to someone, share this column and my Facebook page. Please write your questions, reflections, thoughts, experiences related to them that will be treated anonymously by email at [email protected] or far away how are you to the 3921805011 or as a message on Facebook and I will gladly respond, your experience can also be a starting point for growth and reflection for other readers.

[Il dott. Marco Folla è psicologo clinico di coppie, adulti, e adolescenti. Si dedica ad ambiti quali terapia di coppia, problemi di ansia, depressione, dei disturbi alimentari, anche maschili. Traduce libri di psicologia dall’inglese, è certificato analista transazionale. Ha ottenuto il diploma di terzo livello nella terapia di coppia con il metodo Gottman, terapia per superare i tradimenti nella relazione, è formato in Emi therapy (protocollo di riprogrammazione dei movimenti oculari EMDR in accordo con la terapia somatica), sul rischio suicidario e in DBR tecnica di riprocessamento del trauma di attaccamento dal punto di vista neurobiologico. Tiene corsi di mindful eating.]

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